"It simply came to our notice then. He has had this habit since childhood. ”These are some of the phrases you often hear between husband and wife or parents say about their children.
These words largely reflect certain aspects of our personality and also our predictions about our attitudes toward other human beings and the journey of our married life. But it also tells us more about our childhood and the environment in which we were raised. What our childhood was like and our current personality and character is deeply influenced by the environment and training of childhood.
Therefore, according to religious teachings, special emphasis is laid on the early education and training of children, which modern research and psychology has also proved that childhood has a very significant effect on the life, personality and character of children.
It is unfortunate that in our society there is no proper arrangement of education and training for the early education and training of children according to the modern age. Today's times have changed a lot over the last 20 years. Raising children today is a full time job that requires a lot of training and coaching. Today we cannot raise our children the way our parents raised us.
The most important part of our society is the marital life of the family but if we look at our society we can see the way this sacred bond is being disgraced or the young generation has lost its importance. We will find that it may not be as much the fault of these young people as it is the negligence and ignorance of the people who are educating and caring for them.
Recently, a research was published in the well-known magazine "Psychology Today" which examined the lives of people who had difficulties in their marital life and found out the effects of childhood trauma and negative circumstances on their lives. Was affecting his life in his youth. These are the 10 symptoms that affect the lives and attitudes of children who have suffered from inattention, difficulties, worries and frustrations in their early life:
1: Fear of rejection and abandonment: Children who have been neglected or abandoned by their parents in childhood often struggle with the fear of being abandoned until adolescence. Even though they are often unaware of this level of fear, this fear is present in them.
Although their main fear is that their partner will eventually leave them. They often express these ideas in everyday situations. For example, when their partner goes out alone, they get scared. If he walks out of the room while arguing with his partner, they get scared. This fear often manifests itself in extreme cases, such as jealousy or separation.
2: Disgust and quickly become angry at the presence of others: When we grow up in an environment where we are often criticized or we see others being criticized, we think that we are angry at the relationship. It is a natural way to express criticism of others. We believe that our shortcomings and failures are unbearable. Our partners or the people around us will not tolerate this, so we quickly become disgusted and angry with the presence of others.
3: Too much time and space needed for oneself: Growing up in a chaotic and unpredictable environment creates a lot of stress and often leaves the central nervous system of children in a state of constant mental turmoil.
Even as they get older, they need more time to cope with these symptoms of anxiety, nervousness and fear. They feel safe living at home where they can control their surroundings. And allow themselves proper time and rest. In such an extreme situation, social anxiety or people's phobia also has a profound effect on some people.
4: Lack of balanced sharing of financial and domestic responsibilities: Sometimes such people are reluctant to trust any partner due to fear of dependence on another person. They avoid taking on balanced financial and domestic responsibilities in future partnerships. Either such people take full care of the other person to this point or, conversely, rely too much on others to take care of you. Are This is a very dangerous behaviour that often causes problems.
5: The Benefits of Relationships and Staying in Relationships Despite the Loss of Relationships: When we are raised in an unstable environment, we often live with parents or caregivers who are addicted to drugs, mental illness, physical illness or death. Struggling together, children often develop a sense of guilt that arises from the desire to end a relationship. Before we can "fix" it, living with someone who is not suitable for them sometimes feels safer than being alone.
6: Constantly arguing or fighting with loved ones or avoiding quarrels at any cost Avoiding conflicts of sorts, they often fail to learn the skills necessary for effective and healthy communication. They do not know healthy and effective ways to resolve and manage conflicts, problems and issues.
7: Unfamiliarity with reconciliation after disagreement: As mentioned above, when we do not learn to resolve disputes effectively and properly, we do not even know how to restore the relationship after the inevitable conflict in the partnership. Go When and how to compromise or remain silent on an issue in such a situation is an important virtue. My grandfather used to say that relationships are maintained by human beings and not by angels. Bending is important for maintaining balance in relationships.
8: Persistent fear of not wanting: Such people often live in the shadow of the fear of getting hurt again and the fear of being alone. And they try to prove that they deserve the attention and love that they have been deprived of since childhood. Remember that with every new person comes new hopes, which is proof that you can start your new journey.
9: No need to worry about my partner leaving me: This usually happens to people whose parents and caregivers were unreliable or have left them. That is why such people fear that others will hurt them in the same way that their caregivers did to them. No human being is perfect and the journey of every human being is not always the same. So overcome your past worries and always keep in mind the element of freedom in relationships.
10ـ: Forcing your spouse to change: This is the most dangerous reaction to childhood trauma, in which most people say this to their partner. I don't like it from the beginning so don't do it. The window of change always opens slowly. Because children are helpless to change their caregiver in childhood. So now they try to change what they have, which is why they want change within their partner so that the fear in our relationship can be overcome. Second, they want to prove that if we can "fix" that person and make them a better partner, then we are capable and capable of establishing a successful relationship.
If these symptoms are present in your life, it is a clear indication that you are and will continue to have difficulties in your married life. Leading American psychologist and marriage expert John M. Gottman says that in just five minutes of talking to a married couple, I can tell if their marriage will work out.
Remember we are all human beings and we are affected by the influence of our environment and surroundings. There are many factors involved in our behaviour and personality that we do not learn ourselves but are influenced by our environment. But in today's world, having a balanced personality is no less a blessing for success in personal and professional life.
Forgive others because they are human too. Start taking 100% responsibility for your own life and attitudes from now on and try not to repeat the mistakes made by our parents and us for the betterment of our generation. Will be held responsible for the bitterness of Start the new journey of your life with yourself. Then look at the beautiful aspects of this beautiful universe with your personality.
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